# 1: Little Miss Muffet (Show 19)
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
And what a big tuffet she had.
So if you're feeling insecure
Just stand next to her
And then you won't feel quite so bad.
Thank you.
# 2: The Shoe (Show 27)
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
And, boy, did it stink in there.
Thank you.
# 3: Fuzzy Wuzzy (Show 27)
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy
So he changed his name to Ed Asner.
Thank you.
# 4: Ode to Jack (Show 39)
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over
The candlestick
And burned his butt.
Thank you.
# 5: This Little Piggy (Show 39)
This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed home
And this little piggy got her own prime-time sitcom
And it really kills me because I'm so much more talented than she is.
Thank you.
# 6: Humpty Dumpty (Show 44)
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Humpty Dumpty retained a lawyer and settled out of court
For a lot of money and ownership of the wall.
Thank you.
# 7: Requiem for a Lamb (Show 48)
Mary had a little lamb
With mint jelly.
Thank you.
# 8: Jack Sprat (Show 61)
Jack Sprat could eat no fat
So he became macrobiotic and a giant pain in the neck.
Thank you.
# 9: Thirty Days (Show 61)
Thirty days hath September
April, June, and November
All the rest have thirty-one
Except for my Uncle Spit who was given thirty to life.
Thank you.
#10: Old King Cole (Show 64)
Old King Cole was a merry old soul
And a merry old soul was he
He called for his pipe
And he called for his bowl
And he called Information for numbers he could've easily looked up
in the phone book.
Thank you.
#11: Ode to a Veggie (Show 64)
Beans, beans
The musical fruit
The more you eat
The more they kick you off the air if you finish this poem.
Thank you.
#12: The Teapot (Show 66)
I'm a little teapot
Short and stout
Here is my handle
And here is a note from my shrink
He says I'm getting better!
Last week, I thought I was a toaster oven!!
Ah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah!!!
Thank you.
#13: Roses are Red (Show 66)
Roses are red
Violets are blue
That's what they say
But it just isn't true
Roses are red
And apples are, too
But violets are violet
Violets aren't blue
An orange is orange
But Greeland's not green
A pinky's not pink
So what does it mean?
To call something blue when it's not
We defile it
But, ah, what the heck
It's hard to rhyme violet.
#14: The Poem that I Wrote (Show 66)
This is the poem that I wrote.
These are the words that are in the poem that I wrote.
This is the mouth that's saying the words that are in the poem
that I wrote.
This is the person who has the mouth that's saying the words
that are in the poem that I wrote.
This is the audience that would do anything to shut up the person
who has the mouth that's saying the words that are in the poem
that I wrote.
This is the TV show that tortures an audience until they would do
anything to shut up the person who has the mouth that's saying ...